When it hits it hits hard

This is when it starts to get really hard. I knew this was coming, but it’s 1000 times harder now than it was after my mom died. It’s been two weeks today since they found Denny and since the cops had to knock on my door and tell me what happened. I still get that sick feeling in my stomach just thinking about it and it’s so consuming. Now is when everyone else’s lives go back to normal. I mean, his friends and family miss him of course. Deeply. It’s painful for all of us who loved him. But every single second of my life has changed. Everyone else’s routines stay the same. Everything about mine is different. Everything. Every second is a reminder that Denny left us. Just doing laundry is painful for me... it’s so dumb but it makes it so real when I’m not washing his gross gym clothes... everything is a reminder. I can’t use the restroom without realizing he’s not there to watch the kids. I can't get into my car without thinking about him buying me a minivan and working so hard to get the absolute perfect one. I can't brush my teeth without realizing he won’t ever help Winnie brush hers again like he used to every night. Ugh. I’m so sick. I hate the feeling. And visitors have slowed down. I’m still getting a trickle, but it was non stop for that first week, and still quite a few earlier this week. Here I am with my two girls. Just the three of us. On a Saturday when Denny would be home playing with them and getting them way too wound up when I was trying to get them to calm down. I’m not upset that there aren’t as many visitors. Not at all. I would be the same way. I would probably just think about it every so often but go back to normal life. It’s what everyone has to do. It just doesn’t work that way for us though. So it’s a hard reminder and really sets in when it’s just the three of us. Please reach out to someone who has been through a loss within the last 6 months or a year. That’s the hardest part. And most people forget. Please reach out to someone and let them know they are loved and you're still praying for them by name. Let them know you are still there to help however they need. People who have lost someone need you.